Someone Is Needy

Divorce Separation Marriage Breakup Split

When she was angry, she would get a long-suffering look on her face, her eyes would fill with tears, and she would slowly leave the area with her head down. Jackson, being a highly sensitive child, felt his mother’s neediness for a pull on him to find a way to fix her, and he would immediately feel guilty because he didn’t know how. By the time Jackson was , he had learned to completely shut down as his way of not feeling responsible for his mother’s feelings.

As soon as a woman abandons herself, which then generates the empty hole of neediness, he feels guilty and shuts down. He ends up feeling trapped in the relationship and can not wait to get out. Whatever good feelings he had for the girl at the start soon evaporate due to his shutting down to avoid feeling guilty and trapped.

Jackson Wants To Get Married And Have Children, But The Concept Of Commitment Terrifies Him

The issue is that Jackson hasn’t yet developed a loving adult self who is capable of not accepting responsibility for a woman’s feelings. 1 aspect of his ego wounded self feels responsible for his partner’s feelings, while another element of his wounded self shuts down, to not feel guilty and trapped by this responsibility. Until Jackson develops a loving adult self, capable of letting go of responsibility for his spouse’s feelings, and is capable of taking loving care of himself in the face of his partner’s neediness, he’ll continue to shut down as his only way of feeling protected from guilt and engulfment.

The other issue for Jackson is that he has not validated his experience of the emotional self-abandonment. Since his mother’s self-abandonment was covert – no overt guilt-inducing remarks at all – Jackson has had trouble acknowledging when he feels the subtle pull of neediness. He’s never been attracted to women who are overtly demanding, such as women that are angry, blaming or critical. His relationships have all been with seemingly open and loving women. Yet energetically, these girls are abandoning themselves, just as Jackson is abandoning himself.

Jackson is abandoning himself with his lack of validation of his own feelings and experience, and his resulting withdrawal, while the women he chooses are abandoning themselves in much the same way his mother did – not attending to their own feelings and waiting for Jackson to meet their needs. Until Jackson validates his own experience and learns to take care of himself, rather than shutting down in the face of feeling responsible for his partner’s feelings, he will not have the ability to form a committed relationship.

Letting Go Of Duty For Another’s Feelings

Because Jackson is so sensitive to another’s emotional self-abandonment, it is vital that he heal his belief he is accountable for another’s feelings. It is not realistic for him to think he can find a woman who’ll never emotionally leave herself, since everybody, occasionally, will emotionally abandon themselves.

When Jackson gets himself off the hook of thinking that he’s responsible for a woman’s feelings, then he is going to be free to remain open hearted, even when his spouse emotionally abandons herself. He is going to be free to care without caretaking and without shutting down to protect himself from engulfment.

Jackson will become free to develop a committed relationship when he takes loving care of his own feelings and lets go of responsibility for another’s feelings.

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